I spent the last day of 2014 as a day of fasting and prayer, attempting to draw close to God and empty my vessel of all the junk I’d allow to pile up throughout the year. I wanted to go into the new year with an empty vessel, ready to be filled with His blessings and used for His glory. I had envisioned a day attune to God’s thoughts and listening so very carefully, I could almost feel His breath as He would speak to me.
The day did not turn out as I had planned. God did not speak to me… He yelled at me.
My day started in the quiet by myself, knelt in prayer facing a beautiful sunrise of pinks and golds. I felt so very close to God in that moment, just looking up into His beautiful creation and pouring out my heart. That was the morning. In the very same day I had planned to fast and pray, I also had a deadline at work which was literally at the final day of completion. I had also planned a New Year’s Eve party for my kids and husband, complete with party foods, fun games and just a night of making great memories. I was working and planning in a house that had been neglected in the clean-up department of late and was just cluttered in every room. It was pretty much total chaos, and I don’t mean organized chaos… just plain old chaos!
Somehow, through it all, I managed to get the house cleaned-up where it didn’t feel like it was closing in on me. I met my deadline at work, only through God’s grace, and I even got the games and party fixins all together without too much of a delay.
But I was frazzled in the midst of it all. God doesn’t want me frazzled.
I managed to get a solid thirty minutes of quiet to myself just as the sun was setting yesterday afternoon. I turned on my Selah Pandora station and let the words of precious praise songs pour over me like a warm shower to tired muscles. God used yesterday’s hours of chaos to yell at me through all the crazy…
My eyes were opened to areas where I’m not disciplined as I should be… work schedule, house schedule, personal time, prayer time. Without being disciplined in these areas, how can I expect God to bless me when I’m not pulling my weight?
Above all, through the chaos and through the yelling, at the end of 2014, I could hear Him saying to me… Draw Close.
This picture is of some greens in our garden that have yet to be harvested. Frost makes them sweeter and more delicious. Job 37:10 says, “From the breath of God, ice is made.” If these greens had been covered or hidden, there would be no frost on them. They need the frost just as they need the light that melts that frost, and God provides what they need where there is no chaos to hinder that provision.
And so, as I sit here with the first day of 2015 coming to a close, I’m drawing close to Him, drawing close to feel His breath and direction to be disciplined, to be the empty vessel waiting to be filled, and I’m so very thankful that sometimes His voice is yelling through my chaos and sometimes it is as gentle as the beautiful frost that covers the earth.
Counting 1000 gifts in 2015
1. 3 Gifts Heard – The crunch of the frosted grass under my feet in the morning, My sweet son as he plays with a simple ball of playdoh and his wonderful imagination, and the quiet, the wonderful quiet nothing of personal time set aside for me in the darkness of night as the world slows for slumber, and the chaos fades away.